A letter to Dad.

Just for you my dear dad, I couldn't let this day go by without writing something you could see.
I hope you hear my prayers and feel my love. I have missed you since the day you left this earth. So many moments unshared. I wonder if you heard me ask if you could hear your each of your grandson's newborn cries? Can you see how much the oldest looks like you? Do you know I saw you in a dream once? Only once, but it was Christmas and that made it even more special. And do you know I realize one moment when I hurt you? In my immature, self centered teen age mind..a moment that squeezes my heart every time I think of it. We never talked of it, you never said so. But I know it hurt you and I have asked you to forgive me so many times. You probably do, I just can't forgive myself. I remember our last conversation, all the questions you asked me, you knew you were leaving. You wanted to know it all. I can still feel the last hug we shared. You were so thin it scared me. I have survivors remorse thinking that I have lived longer than you did, though I thank god for every day I am still here. I talk to you when I run sometimes and ask if you are with me. I hope you were there with her along with her other loved ones to help her find the way to a beautiful eternity this past March. Unlike you, she didn't know she would be leaving so soon, none of us did. She needed your hands to hold. I know you loved her, you told me before you left. I am trying to be a better person for both of you. I tell myself to be kind, to not hurt others, and to do good things. I have more work to do on all of that, but just know I do try. I still want you both to be proud that I am your daughter. I love you very much.