I left her roses

It was a year ago, on March 3rd.
What do I do with such a day.
A week before,
I panic quietly, haunted in early morning hours of memories of that night. A heavy feeling in the bottom of my stomach, making me nauseous, as I remember such a dark, dark time.
I relive how it must have been in my mind over and over, as I have thousands of times in the past year. Only recently have I started to say to myself, that that moment is over. It has been over, and if she felt pain from it, that pain is long gone. I think of what I could have done that may have changed that day, I find blame in myself, almost any way I can. What I didn't do, what I should have done, how I could have made that moment never take place. I grasp to make sense of it...
But there is no sense, to something so senseless.
So I bring her roses, and sigh my quiet words of hope.
May her soul be at peace.
May she feel how much I loved her. May she forever bask in a beautiful place, where she hurts no more, and feels joy for eternity.
I love you Mom.