So Distressing

Somewhere in my dream

2012-01-14T20:24:00.003-05:00

Somewhere in my dream

I felt you there

Your smile, your grace

touched my unsettled mind,

and tried to ever so softly, bring me back to

sanity.

I'll share if you will..

2012-01-02T14:43:00.002-05:00

It's been a very long time since I have done any photo shoots like this. As much as I love doing them they do take time. I probably, strike that, know..I could have taken more time with this one. As usual, it turned out nothing like I had planned. It is soo cold and windy out today, that I did not spend much in the elements with my camera, this dress was too chilly! On top of that, I really like it if no one else is around when I do these shoots. I do look quite silly running to be beat the timer, and doing all sorts of dorky poses. Best done alone I say!

The Soul Search

2011-12-23T17:58:00.006-05:00

I have learned in the past year that just when you think you know who you are..that "you" that is so familiar, can wander out of your usual field of view.
In its place a stranger may just walk in.
This happened to me this year.
I had no idea what to do with this person who was my unfamiliar.
She was not comfortable in her own skin at all, and constantly wanted to escape such a foreign land her mind had become.

She wanted to go back to what she knew: a safe, sound and very strong spirit. Where the ground never seemed to shake with each step taken.
But that didn't happen as painlessly as she had wished.
It hurt, worse than anything has ever hurt before, that slow tumble from self.
and then I learned that
sometimes we have to fall ...all the way down,
before we can pull ourselves back up again.
With a hopeful heart
I think I may be starting to stand...
or at least placing on foot solidly on the ground.

It has been quite the year, thank you for all the love and support you all have give me. xoxo

Wishing all my readers and friends a peaceful and loving holiday season.

2011-12-15T07:32:00.002-05:00

Love this photo of my son and his girlfriend. He looks so sweet!
Things have been busy here, per usual. Wrapping up my two online classes, hopefully this week. I have started a pile of magazines to catch up during break, mostly photog ones!
Getting ready for Christmas, but am no ball of fire with it! Maybe now that the push is on I will go into overdrive to get ready, sometimes that works, right? Perhaps some creative time coming up too! I have missed it! No jewelry design for months. My sad little supplies just sit on a table to the left of me starring at my back.

2011-12-04T18:30:00.004-05:00

Happy, smiling, if only on the inside..filled with glee! I did a photo shoot with my partner today, for He Said She Said Photography. It was a blast! My son and his girlfriend posed for us, both are just stunning. Now I have lots of new photos to play with!
I can honestly say I had a good weekend. Well a majority of it. Which is saying something for me as of late! Saturday night I sat around a fire with my husband and a few friends. I haven't laughed so hard in ages. They were talking of "the old days", when they used to get away with, or in some cases, get caught..doing things they shouldn't be doing. If they only knew how thankful I was for those a few hours of laughing! Learning to hold onto to happy moments.
The holiday season is here. And really, I could care less. But I am trying. My mom wouldn't want me to feel bad. And I of all people should know to make the most of every single day. So, I guess I will make that my goal for now. I miss her so much. I will do it in her honor though. She was my biggest fan, my favorite person to talk to, to share my art and buy gifts for at Christmas. It really only mattered what she thought of my work, isn't that how it is for all of us? As long as our mom loves it, that is all that counts. So mom's out there..let your children know how special they are.

2011-11-19T21:08:00.003-05:00

A letter to Dad.

2011-11-16T18:56:00.005-05:00

Just for you my dear dad, I couldn't let this day go by without writing something you could see.
I hope you hear my prayers and feel my love. I have missed you since the day you left this earth. So many moments unshared. I wonder if you heard me ask if you could hear your each of your grandson's newborn cries? Can you see how much the oldest looks like you? Do you know I saw you in a dream once? Only once, but it was Christmas and that made it even more special. And do you know I realize one moment when I hurt you? In my immature, self centered teen age mind..a moment that squeezes my heart every time I think of it. We never talked of it, you never said so. But I know it hurt you and I have asked you to forgive me so many times. You probably do, I just can't forgive myself. I remember our last conversation, all the questions you asked me, you knew you were leaving. You wanted to know it all. I can still feel the last hug we shared. You were so thin it scared me. I have survivors remorse thinking that I have lived longer than you did, though I thank god for every day I am still here. I talk to you when I run sometimes and ask if you are with me. I hope you were there with her along with her other loved ones to help her find the way to a beautiful eternity this past March. Unlike you, she didn't know she would be leaving so soon, none of us did. She needed your hands to hold. I know you loved her, you told me before you left. I am trying to be a better person for both of you. I tell myself to be kind, to not hurt others, and to do good things. I have more work to do on all of that, but just know I do try. I still want you both to be proud that I am your daughter. I love you very much.

Holding on and Letting go

2011-10-30T08:45:00.001-04:00

Is anybody out there?

Is anybody listening?

Does anybody really know,

If it's the end or the beginning?

The quiet rush from one breath,

Is all we're waiting for

Sometimes I want my taking,

Changes everyone before

It's everything you wanted, it's everything you don't

It's one door swinging open and one door swinging closed

Some prayers find the answer, some prayers never know

We're holding on, and letting go.

Sometimes we're holding angels,

And we never even know

Don't know if we'll make it,

Or we know, we just can't let it show

It's everything you wanted, it's everything you don't

It's one door swinging open and one door swinging closed

Some prayers find an answer, some prayers never know

We're holding on and letting go
(Ross Cooperman)

What this girl wants

2011-10-25T18:12:00.002-04:00

to wake up and
be excited at what the day ahead may hold
to smile and really mean it all way to her toes
to feel warmth in her soul
again.

2011-10-18T05:17:00.002-04:00

Hello my dear friends! I have been such a busy girl lately! My dogs woke me up an hour earlier than need be today, so here I sit with a few extra moments. I have been have a great time this fall capturing the fleeting moments of the season. It is speeding by way to fast for my shutter speed!
I am drawn to the rich colors of the season, and often make them even more intense once I edit them. I try not to, I try to make soft flowing photos sometimes, but for the most part, I feel like they are in your face photos, eye popping color photos. Just my tendency for the moment! Maybe someday I will be a mainly soft person!

The curve

2011-09-29T17:02:00.002-04:00

The road had a curve to it,
as I continued along
I just couldn't see where I would end up.

To every season

2011-09-23T05:58:00.003-04:00

I know I haven't been here in a while, well, to be exact since mom's birthday.
I have been pretty busy, or at least it seems that way. Funny how you can fill the spaces of grief in your mind with extra day to day life, but when that is done, those spaces go back to where they were before.
I started two classes online towards my bachelors in nursing. It seems like a lot of work, but I do enjoy it. It's something I wish I had started a long time ago, better late than never! I am officially an "adult" learner.
For the past two months I have been training for a marathon. The marathon is this weekend, I had resigned myself to not running it. Two weeks ago I did something to my foot, just walking! Though it probably was a cumulative injury from training. Up until four or five days ago I was still having some pain, none now. Today will decided whether I go on Sunday. One more test run!
My photography business is also starting to have a go at it! (I told you I was busy!) So far I have three or four bookings for October, which I am thrilled about! Any chance to create art and beauty makes me happy.
So I find myself wondering why my head is spinning, and then I sit back and mentally list off what I have been doing..all this along with work.
Sometimes I think I have gotten myself into too much by going back to school, but then remember the moment I was officially signed up, and the feeling it gave me. It was instantly a positive feeling. It is just a lifestyle adjustment that I need to get used to, a plus being that it is not a bad lifestyle adjustment!
Do I talk too much about me??
Guess that's ok..it is MY blog, so will allow it.
I hope all is well with my readers. The change of seasons this year has been bittersweet when I think of how things were supposed to be. I would have had my best friend, my mom, to enjoy some of it with. I hope she is still able to see all the beautiful colors of autumn.

2011-09-01T05:05:00.003-04:00

Today is this beautiful women's birthday. I can't look at the photo without tears coming down. My mom would have been 59 today. It is the first time I won't hear here her voice or send her a gift to celebrate it.
In her memory I am writing about distracted driving. Be aware today, and everyday, as you approach an intersection. Yield for pedestrians. Slow down for that road crew. Put your cell phone in your purse or glove compartment when you get in your car. Remember the weight of you car as opposed to the weight of a person, they don't usually have a chance. Teach your children to drive responsibly. Don't speed past walkers or runners on the side of the road. Watch out for children as you drive, who don't know to be as cautious as we do.
Getting somewhere a few minutes earlier, is not worth the pain and sorrow that can last a lifetime.
And last but not least.. show love to those you care about, let them know it.
I love you mom.

Hope specks

2011-08-26T05:28:00.003-04:00

'We really don't understand the meaning and value of our hope, until it is blown away by the winds of tragedy right out of our hands. Then because we are on our hands and knees searching for it, each speck we can recover is more precious than the last" George Anderson, Walking in the Garden of Souls.
Hope and faith, having had mine shaken to the core this year I am picking up the pieces. Or as the quote suggests, specks.
Until last week I didn't really think about sharing the following. But then, through others and myself, I realized that is what it is for, and maybe it could be of some help to others.
This Mother's Day was a sad day. I spent it with my son's and husband walking through the tulip fest in Washington Park. After we went to visit my Granny and my two aunts. (my mom's mom and sisters.)
My aunt Tammy is just over a year older than me, and has down's syndrome. I found her sitting on the front porch with my sister and aunt, sobbing. She was so close to my mom and planned on living with her when gran couldn't take care of here any more. My other aunt, Tina, asked Tammy is she could tell me why Tammy was crying. Tammy tearfully nodded her head.
A night or two before Tammy had been awoken by an a bright image at the foot of her bed. It was my mom, with light all around her. Tammy asked her why she had to leave. My mom said it was her time to go, she had to. She then walked over to the side of the bed and kissed Tammy on the cheek, then disappeared. Tammy says she was awake for all of this. If anyone deserved such a visit, it our Tammy, who feels loss deeper than any of us.
I ended up leaving my aunt's house early that day to fill in at work.
At home, as I walking down our stairs I heard a sound. The sound made me look up towards the ceiling where I saw a blinding bright flash of white light. It was on the knotty pine slant of our cathedral ceiling, nothing electric was near it. It was broad daylight, and the sun was out.
I knew it wasn't this, but just to hear him say it, I asked my husband why he was taking pictures. He said he wasn't. He was sitting in a side room with the doors open to the main room I had walked into. I asked him what that noise and flash was, he said he didn't know, but heard and saw part of it too, just not as much as I did. I asked my son also if he saw anything, he was in his room. He didn't see anything but heard the noise, which sounded like a flash going off.
I have no explanation for this. I did some research on line and others have had this happen also. The only thing I could actually find was that the white light represents the purest of souls, and that sometimes they do this to let us know they are with us.
To this day I look at that spot on the ceiling and can't even imagine an explanation for that flash of light...maybe if was a grain of hope for me to pick up. Still wondering..

Unveiling

2011-07-24T17:35:00.005-04:00

Just as the branches delicately veiled the sky,
my sadness is masked by a smile.
Keeping it tucked away, all that is there,

for that pain is mine alone to bear.

Perhaps tomorrow I will pull the branches aside
letting my soul and the sun collide.

Open air, no worlds between us.
It's warmth wrapping sweet, strong arms
around
my weak and
shivering, dark thoughts.

Slowly they will melt,
and fill the void
with
a sense of
unending
peace.

New Curtains

2011-07-02T07:27:00.002-04:00

I made these curtains last week, when I was sick....or should I say sicker than I currently am.
Not all the way better yet..but feeling pretty normal, if there is such a thing.
I really couldn't do much last week, having such a horrible cough. So once again, I MADE myself stay still for a while...or almost still. I pulled out this fabric, which I adore, (it was my mom's) and made some curtains for my kitchen. The base color of the fabric is a pale, pale yellow. I never really liked yellow too much, but now it reminds me of my mom..she loved yellow..I find myself drawn to the softest shades of it lately. In fact I think I will be painting my kitchen that color. I have gone back and forth between what color to do it, but the curtains sort of decided for me.
I plan on making more curtains with mom's material. She hand picked it, and that makes it special for me. I know she had plans for a lot of it. There are bags with pieces carefully cut and folded, I assume they were going to be for quilts, though I will never know for sure.
There is a whole room of my mom's fabric and sewing supplies. She sewed absolutely beautifully. I will never be able to sew like her. I am blessed to have a gorgeous quilt on my bed, handmade by her...along with pillows, table runners and a few other items. I cherish them now more than ever.

Our own island

2011-06-23T17:23:00.005-04:00

We went camping last weekend.
It was a mix of sun and drizzle for most of the time.
It was also the first time my husband and I had ever been camping together..
finally I had convinced him to go!
What a nice change of scenery it was, though only a hop, skip and a jump from our home.
We put our new tent up, which ended up taking three people..and a included a few.."Just forget it...I am sleeping in the truck!" phrases..But we did it!
Next time will be a piece of cake, right??
The beach at the campsite was flooded, leaving little islands of sand here and there.
We dragged our beachwear and coolers through the swampy areas to reach our own little piece of paradise. And paradise it was..
An excuse to just stand around all day and watch the waves..to sit with my toes in the soggy sand and watch
boats going by, while our friend's children ran giggling and screaming through the sand and water.
Just what I needed..to have absolutely nowhere to go..
and nothing to do.

2011-06-21T12:58:00.003-04:00

This was my reward for being up at the crack of dawn the other week..or in other words..4 am. I didn't have to be to work until almost 7. Needless to say I set out early with my camera and saw one of the most gorgeous views..these fields had such lovely rays of sunshine streaming through the morning air. I took lots and lots of pics of them. The out line of the mountains was visible in most of them. Just lucky to start my day that way...
It just happens that I am hope with a nasty cold today..it is beautiful and warm out, but am staying low for a while inside. Luckily I have photos to play with!

If Only

2011-06-14T19:39:00.002-04:00

If only
a tree could stand tall forever
If only heartbeats stayed young,
our minds always clear..
If only the best day of your life never ended,
and the worst day of your life never began...
Would your world be that perfect place...
If grass never died,
and our earth never shook
If childhood was always happy..
and sadness were absent from every stories end..
Would our souls ever stretch
beyond what we could possibly imagine...
yet never know, if only.

2011-06-10T07:24:00.005-04:00

Books about the afterlife taunt me from my nightstand..
piles of four or five of them at a time.
Dreams visit me at night..with so much symbolism being open to my interpretation.
Questions and scenes go through my head, longing
for what is lost pulls at my heart.

In the past three months I have read countless books about the possibility of life after death.
Once convinced..I now need convincing.
I must tell you I have had some very strange things happen to me since my mom died.
Though I will not tell you right now.
I will tell you..that two books that sort of helped ME the most were "The Afterlife Expirements"
by Gary Schultz and "Lessons from the Light" by George Anderson. If I had not read "The Afterlife Expirements" first, I would not have been ready for the second book by George Anderson. I don't as of yet have answers, but I don't think we are meant to..my nature is to keep looking..and I will continue to do that. I am doing ok though...though my life still feels quite empty without her..I guess that emptiness will always exist..as she is never coming back...but I am ok. Ok..with a different meaning than it had before.

My Emerald City

2011-06-01T06:52:00.008-04:00

There are things in this world that I am so happy I am able to see.
One being the gentleness of horses as they quietly reside in a field...

Another is the color green..
I feel like the forest just basks me in it as I walk down our little path out back.

There is something so serene about it.

It truly feels like my own emerald city.

I feel like I am given a small piece of heaven for just a few
fleeting moments each spring..

Thank You

2011-05-26T06:30:00.003-04:00

I wanted to say thank you to friends..old new, familiar and strangers alike.
So many have sent me kind words of comfort and reached out when you didn't have to..I truly appreciate that and will pay it forward, I now know how much kindness can help a sad, sad soul.
The whole fabric of my life changed in an instant.
The "it can't happen to me" happened. But I am going on...and trying to make sense of the senseless..So much tragedy happens every day..funny how you notice it more when you have experienced it. There is a "before and after" in the way I react to these things.
So much has happened in the past few months..and there are things I would love to share with you..but I just can't right now. Just know that I am ok...and working every day with myself and family to continue to find a different way through this world..without my mom on this earth.
And again..thank you..I will never forget the difference even the smallest act of kindness can make.

Take me into the beautiful

2011-05-09T19:39:00.001-04:00

Take Me into the Beautiful

Take me into the beautiful, won't You take me back again
With a love unexplainable, come fill up this dry land
Let it open our eyes to see a world we've never seen
Let it open our hearts up to see You inside of us
You're here inside of me

Take me into the beautiful where the rivers flow
Where the love that never ends

(lyrics by Cloverton)

For you on Mother's Day

2011-05-07T18:09:00.005-04:00

To the most cherished women in life..
I love you more than you will ever know..because I can no longer tell you.
I truly hope I brought you a piece of joy while you where here.
Every day pray I to a god I am not sure exists and ask him that if your soul
continues, though your body no longer walks on this earth,
that you may be living in glory.
For the first time..I won't buy you a beautiful card this year and mail it you...or send you beautiful flowers,
I won't be able to hear your voice, not on this Mother's Day..or ever again.
But I will forever hold your smile in my mind..and how safe and loved only you could make me feel.

Moving day

2011-04-29T18:29:00.004-04:00

Today we began moving my stepfather, or 'Pop', as we all call him..into his new home.
We barely made a dent in the move. Tomorrow we have movers who will do the lifting and loading, which will help a bit. This is difficult enough.
It hasn't even been two months since my mom was killed.
Since then all of my parents belongings, save a few pieces of furniture and necessities, have been in two large storage bins. That was the plan..to store their things until they found their new home up here. Instead, it is only one of them moving into a new home.
The one moving wasn't even the one who wanted to be up here..my mom did.
But Pop is staying here. He has no one back in Florida..and a just a few of us up here.
I am trying to be strong through all this..but it is so hard..
Especially seeing and holding things that were last touched by her. She so carefully wrapped and boxed up their belongings. I feel like my heart is getting torn out over and over again.
I know I have talked of losing my faith...this hurt just renews that feeling.
I will keep searching though, looking for answers..and a peace..that I may or may not find.
Because I really would like it back.

A work in progress

2011-04-10T18:52:00.005-04:00

So thankful for that heartbeat at my feet..(actually two of them).
They bring a smile to my face on my darkest days..

Searching for what I used to believe to be true.

2011-04-04T18:31:00.004-04:00

There is such a hole in my heart..a total emptiness that I don't see being filled, ever.
I am trying to be better at this, but how do you do that? My future held so many happy thoughts and plans that included my mom. She had lived away from me for so long, I was thrilled at the prospect of seeing here almost whenever I wanted to...taking walks, going shopping, spending holidays together..seeing her enjoy life. She was a young mom..sometimes it felt like we were friends..or even sisters..
But that is all gone.
So yes, I must find a way to deal with it. I can't say I have made it one day without tears since she died, but I have tried.
I can say that my belief in God, is gone for the moment.
I am someone who thought she had a strong faith. It was always so easy to imagine my dad, who I lost when I was 16, as still being with me in some way. But, was that to appease myself..to make myself feel better? I don't want an illusion in my mind, one that may not exist..to give me a false feeling that there is something beyond all this. I guess what I am saying, is..I want her to be at peace..to be happy and be pain free. I don't want that last breath she took to be the last consciousness of her soul. She deserves so much more. Her life was often not a happy or easy one. I so want there to be an afterlife where she is experiencing joy. But I need to feel that in my heart..to feel that an afterlife exists..and believe it down to my very being..I do not feel that anymore..I am afraid to..because what if there is nothing..My nightstand no longer has the latest Jodi Piccoult books on it..it is cluttered with books about heaven, crossing over and life after death..yes, I am not willing to give up on these things..but I am not willing to believe them again either, so I will try to search..my heart, my soul..and the words of others.
I never thought I would have to question such things..I know others have had to, others have been through horribly, tragic losses..I could have never imagined their grief..until now.
I find myself searching for ways to fill this emptiness.
Whatever I find to fill it, it must be something good and true...because that is what I lost..and in her memory I will try to do that..I just need to figure out how.

solitary

2011-03-23T19:25:00.004-04:00

solitary
alone
with my thoughts..
no one else will know them.
I like that.
If I choose,
I may tell you..
if not,
they are only for me.
I cherish those thoughts.
But I will tell you,
they are of a smiling, sweet gentle soul,
one with the softest eyes I have ever seen.
I have found that I call them up so often,
in the past three weeks.
For that is all that I have left,
what my mind can see.
But you don't need to know this,
though I pray that when I do..
that sweet, gentle soul
feels a soft tug on her spirit.
xoxox.

2011-03-08T17:36:00.009-05:00

I received the phone call that we all think, hope and pray, we never will get. Although it was almost
a week ago, I still at moments do not believe it. Never have I felt such pain.

My mother was killed last Thursday evening in a horrible and tragic accident. She walking across the street at an intersection. She almost made it to the other side.
She was on her way back up to New York, from Florida, to live near myself and the rest of her family. We were both so excited.
She only had four more hours to go.

Never again will I talk on my phone as I drive,
or pick it up to see who is calling.
I won't rush through a yellow light or become upset as I wait for someone to cross the street.
I don't know if I will ever run on the road again.
All I think about when I see a car pass is how it must have been for her.

In her memory, I am pleading with you to have some of the same forethought.

She was without a doubt, the most beautiful and caring person I will ever know.
She thought of others always, way before she thought of herself.
I was always so proud to say she was my mother.
She was a very young mother, who showed such strength and fierce love for her children.
I never knew the sacrifices she made for me until had my own children.
She taught me to be strong and independent, and to be quiet and caring.
I am having problems imagining a heaven right now, though I am trying.
I really hope there is one, because that is where she should be...with only peace, happiness and long lost loved ones to surround her.

Running from the now unfamiliar

2011-02-15T18:04:00.004-05:00

There I was..in
the same place I had been so many times before,
a body of air surrounding me.
Air that felt so foreign,
not as it did yesterday.
Yesterday I barely noticed it.
Today, it crept around my skin.
It made me uncomfortable,
my heart racing, as it danced and glided.
A weightless matter, now causing me to sink slowly.
Before it pushed me to my knees..
I turned around..
and ran.

Mind bending

2011-02-02T17:31:00.002-05:00

This is me..sleeping my way thru the rest of winter..twisting, turning..
as I dream of spring.
Sigh..if only it were that simple!

The Weathering

2011-01-27T18:31:00.004-05:00

The Weathering
began the day she took her first breath.
As air first swarmed her lungs,
and a new mother's caress grazed her god kissed, newborn skin.
It was sculpting her soul to an imperfect expectation
as she was zipped into a swath of butter smooth ivory..
with an unknown and fallible world laid at her feet.
Later it held her hand, as it drew her youthful spirit away, replacing
it with one that was more suited for reality.
In the end it lightly danced on her being,
leaving her with
a sweet, soft smile of peacefully aged
grace.

Live it like it is a test

2011-01-24T07:23:00.005-05:00

Life is a test..whether we pass our not depends on our reactions to what is set before us.
I am rereading "The Purpose Driven Life", (I may have mentioned this before!) Sometimes we just need reminders of why we are here, at least I do. Something to keep me on track...as, like the rest of us, I veer off at times.
One of the premises of the this book, is that life is a test.
I can only gage how I am doing by the true feeling in my heart at the end of the day...
letting that feeling be totally honest and true. Sometimes that is a very hard thing to do...

A winter offering

2011-01-10T06:41:00.003-05:00

It may be a season with a chill to it, but this weekend it found
a way to offer me a bit of love.
We had our first substantial snow fall last week. Camera in hand I headed out for a walk around the neighborhood.
Fresh, fluffy white snow blanketed the earth, it was so gorgeous to finally see!

On the other side

2010-12-30T15:06:00.002-05:00

This is sort of the view I have had for almost a week now. I have been"grounded" with one *&^! of a bug. Two days ago I couldn't even imagine opening the door to go outside. I don't usually get sick..it has been a very, very long time for since my last cold. So my body decided to slam this one to me. Today I am feeling so much better. I woke up with a burst of energy and took my Christmas decorations down. Then decided to venture out to the store. Which was interesting..as the cold medicine I take made a little woozy! Still, I made it home, myself..and others surrounding me, in one piece. Homemade mushrooms soup is on the stove top, my studio is a bit cleaner...and the thought to go the gym has since passed me by. An hour ago I was ready..now, not so much! I guess I will wait a day or so! Tomorrow I am off to work. I have missed a bit of it this week, and few opportunities to pick extra hours, as the majority of the nursing supervisor's office seems to have been afflicted with the same thing.
Usually when I get sick, I ignore it, go to the gym, go running..ect. ect...off to work..you know the drill, "NO, I am not sick! Achooo! Sniffle, Sniffle." Perhaps it is an age thing this time..lol! Or just me finally being smart about it! Well, now hubby seems to be getting sick, so I must be taking care of him...off to serve some nice, warm soup! Stay safe this holiday weekend my friends!

Activities while in Denver

2010-12-28T08:58:00.004-05:00

I recently went to Denver for the first time, with my hubby.
Up there on my list of things to do was pigeon chasing.
This pigeon was really into it.
He or should I say she???...was in the middle of the pavers on 116th Street, in downtown Denver.
This pigeon apparently had an agenda...

Aside from my little pigeon friend, I was impressed with these advertisements
draped down the side of a building.
They kept me entertained for a while...
I took pics, as my husband told how I looked like a tourist.
duh?!!!??

The Purina building also totally amazed me. Isn't it cool?

I would love to drive by this little poochie every day!
So that sums it up...lol..pigeon chasing and picture taking! Actually it was a quick trip for the holidays..and most of my pics where taken as I was riding in the car. I am just glad we made it home a week before the huge storms running up and down the coast. Not that we got any snow, but everyplace around us was slammed with it, and airports were shut down for a few days. Very thankful I was not one of those stuck in one!

A life less complicated

2010-12-22T19:55:00.003-05:00

A life less complicated...one where all I have to do is carry my camera around and walk my sweet dogs..
I know they would appreciate that,
me at their beckon call...though I am for the most part, at their disposal now.
My sons are older..one out of the house, the other is here, but half the time I don't know it.
Yes, that leaves me lots of time for my dogs..but why do I feel like I am lacking time so often?

I guess, I don't know the answer to that question. I keep very active. Perhaps I try to fit too much into my day...or maybe not enough? Is it not challenging enough? Really it has to be,
or I get quite bored, so I would say that is not a problem....perhaps it is the scattered thoughts of all the things I wish to do! I should make this, I should market more...I should clean, promote my shop.....ect, ect! I have created my own demon!!! lol...Don't get me wrong..I love it all!...If only I could organize it!!!
Until I figure out how to do that..I will keep enjoying my little walks in the woods, with my two furry friends...and my multiple thoughts...
Life is good.
Enjoy the quiet moments, enjoy the crazy moments....each one is only here once! God bless my readers on this holiday season!

Once upon a ride

2010-12-07T18:52:00.005-05:00

Once upon a ride...
prior to which I grabbed my camera as I ran out the door,
I stopped in the fierce and cold wind to gather some reminders of the day as I saw it.

Hoping to slow down my mind, at the same time to motivate it by the reprieve from the holiday hustle and bustle, that I am just not in favor of.
I would much rather take a slow ride through the country, and not just think to myself as I pass them by, that I should stop here or there to capture a momentary image.
That is just what I did, on my way back from doing some holiday hustling.
If I can't have the whole day to while away through my lens, I can at least have part of it, and accomplish my errands with the other part..why give it all up?
Don't forget to take time to feel that cool wind upon your face this season.

First flurries

2010-11-28T18:21:00.004-05:00

We had our first flurries of the season this weekend. Some of them decided to stay stuck on the ground. I am sort of excited about this...you know, change of seasons, change in scenic photo ops!
I can settle for being a real reason to warm and cozy, all cuddled with an afghan and my puppy dog.

I didn't think it would happen, but I am starting to get into the mood for the Christmas season that is upon on us. (The snow flurries and a most wonderful Thanksgiving helped me along with this a bit!) True to nature, as happens now and then with me...I have been stuck in a rut lately..what kind of rut..well the varied kind..worries about work, home, money, bad hair days...ect, ect...(oh my vanity..yes, I am a vain person, I will admit...and am about to give in to the fact that I will never win the fight with my curly hair,.it always stomps my efforts to straighten it, curls down..frizz up...I give..curls you win, you can stay for god's sake..now be nice to me!..lol!) Regardless to say, I think I have for the moment climbed out of my sad, anxious madness.
Yes, sad..let's be honest..we all feel down now and then, sometimes just downright depressed. And some of us do battle with it, others move on quickly.
This one has been a long tough one for me, someone who likes to see the glass half full instead of half empty, I had a hard time seeing anything in the glass for a while. I finally realized this was not helping the situation, and sat back and thought about WHY!...Some problems you just create yourself...(I told myself)..they are a problem if that is what you make them. It is what is it right? Well..it is what you decide it is. Have a great week friends...and thank you if you hung around to read all this rambling! Hugs!

My dearest angel

2010-11-15T19:13:00.005-05:00

Miss you forever, but hold you close in my heart each day.
I long for the conversations we never were able to have, and replace them with one sided chats as I run along in the sun, knowing you are sitting right there on my shoulder.

My dad passed away 24 years ago this week. He had an extremely rare cancer. He was younger than I am now, it barely seems fair, but life never is. I like to think he keeps me safe while I am out running miles and miles. We "chat" inside my head on those runs, though it is one sided, I know he hears me.
While my dad passed away from cancer, I have a younger sister who also developed a rare type of cancer as a young adult. It was also a very scary, horrible cancer. Though I can't begin to imagine how scary it was for her. Unlike my dad, she is here, so many years later, strong, smart and beautiful. And I am forever grateful to know she sets her feet on the ground each and every day.
I signed up to have the chance to run the NY marathon next year. I will be put in a lottery of people and will not know if I am chosen until next April. If I am, I plan to run in memory of my father, and in honor of my sister, hopefully being able to raise money along the way for sarcoma research.
I run to be strong, but I am inspired to run by others who may have never run a whole mile. Instead they have shown me a strength much stronger.
Yes, this means you my dear sister ...and for anyone else who may have a question in their mind, as to whether I am speaking of them..I probably am.
and to my dearest angel..you are never forgotten.

2011 Adirondack Calendar

2010-11-02T12:14:00.004-04:00

Hello my blogger friends! I know I have not been around lately! Busy! But I miss blogging!
I just stopped in to show you a link to my 2011 calendar!
"A year in the Adirondacks "
I filled it with scenes from around the area I live.
Hope you are all doing well, hoping to put the brakes on soon and spend more time here.
Oh...and if by some chance you do purchase my calendar, I am offering free shipping on your next order from my etsy shop!
Just drop me a note with a link to the receipt for your calendar purchase!

A horribly foggy gray morning...true love!

2010-10-25T19:27:00.008-04:00

Like the title says..it was a horribly foggy, gray morning..and I simply adored the way everything looked. The contrast of the bright orange against the dreary day was so very moody.
Lucky for me, I did not work today. It was a much needed quiet day.
Though I was happy to take lots and lots of photos, otherwise my ambition needed to be shoved out the door.

I have a very bad case of the blahs. No ambition, don't really want to do anything. Forced myself to hit the gym, and was glad I went after the fact.
Between a few dozen pics, the gym and one or two errands..that was my day..a bit less than I am used to doing, but I guess we all should just give in to feeling like doing nothing besides cuddling on the couch with a book, blanket and dog...now and then. Right?

I like to hide

2010-10-18T18:20:00.003-04:00

I like to hide,

away and alone,
all by myself.
Unable to be seen.

A midnight affair

2010-10-09T16:09:00.004-04:00

And so you return again,
wrapping your sinister, cold fingers
around her.
Sending your misty breath through her corridors
lacing them with a fine, exquisite pain.
An unraveling begins,
a lost soul
enveloped in a darkness
that reaches
to the corners of the mind,
her heart once again
unstrung.
A broken damage being you leave
as dawn walks in
and attempts to
remove your
filthy blanket
from her
earth.

Angels gathering

2010-10-03T07:43:00.004-04:00

A gathering of angels
appeared above my head.
They sang to me a song of hope.

The sky was amazing the other evening. We had a combination of dark clouds and peeking rays of sunshine. The light they created on the trees was gorgeous! The song..Come Sail Away just pops in my head every I look at the pics I took that evening. The light reminded me of angels for some reason.

Down on the ground other things are happening....

There is never a promise of a tomorrow..only today.

2010-09-25T13:04:00.009-04:00

It has been a sad week for my family.
My uncle passed away a few days ago.
Some of his last words were about
how things shouldn't be the way the are..
He was sad that this was the reason people were
finally coming to see him.
He was partially right, but I told him it was a good thing,
(even though, yes, it was sad that this is what brought us all together) and that we were indeed there at that moment for him.
I hope this gave him some comfort.
He was like a gentle giant...and his
soft heart was shining through in the end.
It makes me sad to write this..but I am doing it to remind me, and hopefully others, of how precious our families and friends are..and that we only have here and now to show them that we care.
There is never a promise of tomorrow..only today. While it may sound like a negative thought, I truly believe it is a wise and positive thought...so much good come of following that sentence.
There are times I have not done this, and it has not helped anyone only hurt others, and myself.
Yes, we are humans,
we are fallible...
But given the title of this post....the thought gives us reason to contemplate it's value.

So why shouldn't we live accordingly?

Pink Autumn

2010-09-22T19:28:00.002-04:00

I feel like autumn if a treat for the senses..
the change in the air...a coolness to a breeze at night.
Different colors each day on my ride to work.
A deep longing to bake..at least for me!
There is something so cozy and pleasant about the fresh scent of
baked bread throughout the house...
It is a season that makes me appreciate everything the earth puts out
before me, and think how lucky I am to be able to experience it..
each color, each scent
another gift,
albeit fleeting..but they are each here
for today.

Pieces of Heaven

2010-09-16T18:52:00.009-04:00

Pieces of heaven...

God lets a few of them fall here to earth

so they can breathe hope into our

far too cluttered

souls.

My newly familiar world

2010-09-13T18:01:00.003-04:00

Down the path we go..
places we have seen so many times before..
but the same,
they are not.
The light,
the air, the sounds..
never fall exactly alike,
never repeat just the same
So it with each walk
that I see a familiar world
anew.

To cause reason to pause

2010-09-10T14:58:00.007-04:00

The day a promise of a tomorrow was made a fairy tale...
when I stopped on a walk outside..
and heard absolutely nothing.
Tears of anger ran down my face,
I continued along the sidewalk,
as my soul quietly twisted inside,
searching for a way to
gain control,
I paused......
and
then began to
run.

Those words are so true. I remember going for a walk on the afternoon of 9/11/01. The streets were quiet, there was not a sound in the sky. I was so angry. Visions of people in business suits jumping off the towers filled my head...the last choice they would ever make. Mortality took on a new meaning that day, choices and control took on an even stronger meaning. Really, what do we have control over..I had to consider this. There is no promise of tomorrow, I realized that day, others had taken thousands of live's tomorrows away forever. All we really have is here and now.
Trying to find something I could have control over, when the whole nation was feeling without it, I began to run. It is my body, it is my mind, it is my soul....and I still had today.
How shameful for me, and disrespectful to those who had no choice that day, to not cherish the days that I do have....and to gain control over what I was able to.
I still run today...it gives me time to time to think, to clear my mind, and to appreciate the fact that I can choose to do just that.

So in honor of all the lives lost that day..
I continue to choose to make myself a stronger and kinder person..in my mind, body and soul.
There are many times I fail, and sometimes I flourish...
and I was keep doing this..as long as I have todays.

Emergence

2010-09-08T19:22:00.004-04:00

Coming out
from within,
being
without
limits.
Embracing
a life...
your life...
or perchance another.

Credit to Faestock for the image of the women. I combined the womens image with my own images and LOT of work in photoshop, to create "Emergence"

The journey continued

2010-09-04T07:35:00.001-04:00

All things dark...
she vowed to leave behind.

The departure

2010-08-30T13:12:00.004-04:00

She left on a misty rainy morning.
Suitcase in tow,
with her life neatly folded for the trip.
She did not turn,
she did not look back..
as she made her way down the cottage path..
treading lightly, but all the while
moving
forward.

free

2010-08-22T18:26:00.008-04:00

May you dance,

in the light

and

in the dark

and may it set

your

precious soul

free.

Finding my faith

2010-08-20T18:00:00.006-04:00

I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.

John 16:33

I found this verse online....it was just what I needed.
Strange how that happens sometimes...

I dream of days to come...

2010-08-16T13:42:00.003-04:00

Summer is still here, but not for long...

While it has been lovely and all..I dream of days to come...
Walking with the scent of autumn in the air...
The busy, sunny days of a season's past behind us....

Happiness

2010-08-05T08:38:00.006-04:00

Happiness...

First and foremost, realizing we are responsible for our own happiness,
no one can do that for you...is the initial step to it's creation.

Born

2010-08-01T19:44:00.004-04:00

Born
We are, once from the womb,
and over and over again during the lifetime of our soul...
or so I believe.
Sometimes we soar, and sometimes we may falter
only to stand back up and go on
for another day.
With each fall I have I hope to gain something,
that thing,
that would have kept me upright..
and thus,
am born again.
But, alas,
I am
fallible.

Finding Herself

2010-07-28T18:50:00.002-04:00

Sometimes you find yourself in the strangest, most beautiful places....

Things I am...

2010-07-20T17:13:00.005-04:00

NOT!
Yes a twist on the the things I am list...(got the idea from another blogger, who must remain nameless..because I have lost the link!)

1. weak(I want to be as strong as I am able, mentally and physically)
2. a walker(why walk when you can run!)
3. a singer(I can't hold a tune)
4. a hater (I can't hold a grudge..)
5. always cheerful (quite the opposite for the most part)
6. a lover of sleeping in (never have been, never will)
7. someone who loves using the dryer..(can't beat the smell of fresh, air dried laundry, and the odd peace it gives me just to neatly hang my clothes neatly on the line.)
8. a fan of soft towels (make 'em thick, rough, line dried and thirsty!)
9. enthralled with the color yellow (it reminds me of a headache..actually it GIVES me a headache!)
10. a talker (am amazed at people who have the gift of gab, I often think my lack of spoken words leaves me less memorable..or perhaps not.)

There you go my friends..just ten of the many things...that I am not..how about you?

Did you ever wonder

2010-07-14T19:33:00.007-04:00

what people do with their spare time..

when they could be sitting and relaxing

or they could perhaps

just lie around...

I waited

2010-07-12T21:21:00.004-04:00

i waited for you
it was a sunny day
the air was warm
my mood was gray

i waited for you
children played as
my immature soul
started to fade

i waited for you

A place to sit?

2010-07-11T18:47:00.003-04:00

So what do you think Alice?
Should we rest here a while?

Short, sweet...and apologies for my infrequent posts. My summer has been full of busy, breezy days..with not a lot of time to spend on the art that I long to do! I am enjoying the rush of activity...but also longing for when perhaps the days will slow down just a bit. I hope all my lovely, bloggie friends are also having a wonderful and memorable summer. Hugs from me..!

By Chance You Dream...

2010-07-02T15:00:00.023-04:00

First and most importantly..Yogibear, my little white dog I told you about in the last post here, is doing well.
I took him to the vet the morning after the attack and he was given antibiotics, pain meds, and funky new haircut. They shaved the different areas he had been bit. He is back to himself, pretty much. He does appear to be more and more afraid of taking walks. He won't go up the hill past where he was attacked. The offenders, beautiful but very vicious dogs, received six tickets and a court date.
After getting Yogi settled last Friday, my friend and I headed out on our little road trip. If you are new here, we where going to the Woods Inn , in Inlet N.Y. to drop off my artwork. I have a show running there this summer. It was a two hour drive, but absolutely gorgeous, winding through the mountains of the adirondacks.
I thought we driving to middle of nowhere, when out of the blue, there was this sweet little town called Inlet.
We pulled into the Woods Inn driveway to a beautiful building that seemed to reach into the sky.

I was ready to set up camp there at first site!
To top it all off we were greeted at my car doors, by two of the cutest little poochies.
I hope they get paid well, because they made a great first impression!

The Inn was so sweet, we had to do a little investigating inside!
I am in love with this couch!

Oh, and also with the wrap around porch, lined with adirondack chairs overlooking the lake.
A lovely breeze swirled around us as we walked around the grounds.
ahhh....let's never leave I said.

This is my friend, Eileen, resting for a few minutes.
I was so thankful to have her company for the day!

Even more adirondack chairs were scattered in groups here and there along the shoreline of the lake.

This is the building that hosts one of the Adirondack Lakes Center for the Art's satellite galleries and gift shops.

It used to have a speak easy on the second floor. The front room had its ceiling lined with vines and white lights. The show and shop had not yet opened, but scattered on the counters where some very ecletic pieces! If you happen to be in the area try to stop by, you won't be disappointed.

This is also where I am hanging my "star" this summer.
(and a few select prints and pieces of jewelry..!)
I adored the inside! Very shabby and rustic.

Before we left, we checked back in the gallery. The staff were just opening up shop there and had a few of my prints already on the wall.

I sort of caught my breath, the space there was just perfect.

I wish to choose

2010-06-25T06:57:00.003-04:00

I wish to choose the path less taken, a quiet and peaceful ride. May god grant me this.

Announcing..."By Chance You Dream"
an art show (my art show!) at the Wood's Inn, Inlet NY.
I am hopefully heading up there today to drop off my prints, the show runs June 27th-August 16th.
On a sad note one of my dog's, Yogibear, was attacked last night by two of our neighbors dogs, (who have been taken away before and put in the slammer for aggression) He is a little white Bichon/Australian Shepard mix. I have to get him to the vets as soon as I can this morning. The poor thing seems to be hurting so much this morning he won't move. So Yogi first today, art show second. Say a prayer for my little guy.

The Call of Summer

2010-06-17T15:49:00.015-04:00

I remember the call of summer...

for endless days at the lake,

and what seemed like a lifetime of free moments..

with friends...doing carefree and childish things..

So goes the midyear's work of children, forming a lifetime of memories,
one sunny summer day at a time.

images are closer

2010-06-10T17:51:00.004-04:00

Images are closer than they appear my friends..
What images you say...?
Images in your mind.
The kind right on the surface, the kind that form dreams in your minds eye..
they are right there,
waiting for you to make them into something not just you can see,
but the something the whole world can gaze upon.
I once heard that people feel like they know artistic people,
more than they know those that are not.
Artists open the doors to their minds through their images,
others have no way to let us in....
their doors just stay closed.

Why can't I...or maybe I just shouldn't

2010-06-08T15:07:00.002-04:00

We have an area outside our back door that I have created a little "space" shall I say?
My husband removed lots and lots of pavers from a different area of our land this spring.
I decided to lay them down outside our door, and put a few chairs and a table out there.
It is pretty much done, though I am on the look out for some old metal patio chairs.
My thought process has been that I will sit down in my new little space, and relax..perhaps read a book or look through a magazine. I can actually picture myself doing this.....
I has not happened.
Even as I write, I am saying to myself..tonight, tonight you will do this. Grab a glass of wine and head outside to my abode.
We will see.
I just never make it there.
I realized it is very hard for me to sit and relax..that must be it.
My thought has almost always been..why stay still? I can't control this thought..it controls me!
Yes, I can lay in bed at night and read, but I also watch t.v. at the same time..why not do two things instead of one? All this is not upsetting, and I am fine with it. This is just the me, I have come to accept. I have to run at least every other day, I always have to have a book I am reading..and I must not waste a moment.
So it hit me today, well last night.
I worked a short four hour shift last night at the hospital. The hours were 7pm-11pm, and I was the nursing supervisor on the "house". I don't usually work those hours. I thought about it all DAY long! Do not relax..don't forget..you have to go to work tonight. This is probably part of the reason I resigned from my last "real" position there. I was the assistant manager of the ER/SCU
and I loved the job, but the hours were evening and nights. And I think the fact that there was not the normal end in sight to my pace (yes, the excuse, climb in bed at bedtime!) it totally got to me.
I simply can't let my guard down, or take it easy, knowing at the end of the day I will not be winding down..but winding up.
People know me as being fairly calm and cool.
But these things, perhaps others around me might already know, I realize I may have anxiety issue! lol some of you might be saying..no kidding!
I don't think it is out of control, I think I structure my life so that it does not take me over.
Thus the running, thus the hobbies, thus not sitting down...and being happy doing all of the above...
and I am at peace with that...

Colors

2010-06-01T19:42:00.009-04:00

Colors...when I was a teenager, my color was black. More specifically, a black trench coat with contrasting red lipstick, and oh yes, lots of black eyeliner.

I never thought I would want anything different.
Thank god that changed!

It would be a shame to not appreciate all that gorgeous shades the earth gives to us!
Or, should I also include, the colors we create.

You may have heard me mention this before. I read "The Book Thief" by Marc Zusak, a while ago. This man has such a beautiful way of writing.

One of the characters was Death. And Death went around and picked up souls.
But he only knew they were there by seeing their color. (the color of their souls)
It was sort, to me at least, a beautiful way to think of things.

So now, I, obviously, am no longer 15 and forever melancholy (only occasionally now, lol!) I have learned to adore and revel in different colors.
I know mine at one point in time, longed to forever be black, that has changed,
what color are you?

Lessons

2010-05-28T16:48:00.003-04:00

There are some places you just shouldn't go.
For some reason though, you must...
I am forever drawn to old, abandoned houses.

Call me a peeping Tom, but I love to see how they look inside.
The vintage wallpaper, perhaps a truly retro kitchen..
and lots and lots of unspoken memories,
only seen by the four walls inside each room.
"Modern" life can be wonderful, but on a wistful day, I find myself
wishing for simpler, more innocent days.

Illustration Friday's "Early"...Her colored world

2010-05-22T08:44:00.004-04:00

She liked to wake up early,
in the wee hours of the morning.
With a single candle
she walks through her garden..the colors are so much more interesting
seeing them this way.
Illustration Friday's word this week is Early. If you don't know what Illustration Friday is click here. Each Friday a new word is picked, one that has been submitted by a reader, and announced. Artist then submit there portrayal of the word with a link for the rest of us to view! It is lots of fun, with a huge variety of works.

Crazy for lilac

2010-05-17T17:04:00.003-04:00

So I danced in the garden..high upon a chair

with flowers all around

and their sweet scent

streaming through my hair.

I am the girl who can't stand still

when these flowers spring up on the hill...

Chaotic Serenity

2010-05-12T17:52:00.009-04:00

Soft, warm..
quiet
yet full of thought.

Dark, with a flash of light.

Alone, though not lonely..
still,
yet always
moving...

my chaotic serenity.

It most certainly did..

2010-05-11T09:10:00.005-04:00

Last weekend the wind blew
it thundered
and it hailed.

I shivered,
as I was outside at a an annual event.
Then I snuck home,
to cuddle up early.
I had my book, my dogs
and warm cozy blankets.
and
the wind shook our house.

It is a rare moment when our house shakes. I live in a dome home.
It is one supposed to be the most structurally sound type of building ever designed.

I woke up in the morning....and found fresh white snow,
in May...
covering the ground.

an unshakable trust

2010-05-07T15:28:00.002-04:00

A heartbeat with four feet
a most non-judgemental confidant
Living, breathing.. an unshakable trusting soul.

What would pet lovers be without all of this to come home to?

Never any less

2010-04-28T18:02:00.003-04:00

Never accept less than what your soul has strength for,
for..if you do
, you have failed.

A hateful drama

2010-04-25T17:43:00.004-04:00

Have I told you I hate drama? Well, I hate real life, created drama..
Give me peace, give me quiet and the uneventful..and I am as happy as a lark.
You may find this strange if you have looked at any of my art...or read my words.
So, I guess I could say..I do like some drama..artful drama..the dramatic written word.
The is the extent of my admiration of such word.

Have I stated this as clearly as mud???

Have I told you that..

2010-04-23T14:06:00.003-04:00

I am not quite sure where I am going?
This is ok though. I am ok with it....
What makes it bearable is the fact that I do know who I am,
and what I hold dear.
I realize some people go a lifetime and never learn those things about themselves.
That knowing in itself, brings me great comfort.
Have a very lovely weekend my friends.

Soon to be replaced

2010-04-18T09:51:00.007-04:00

I have been wandering aimlessly for the past few weeks, searching for material to photograph that is not brown or gray.

I was, though not green and cheerful, somewhat drawn to the sadness of the soon to be replaced brown, faded leaves.

Fear not though! The walks through the woods are getting more magical and new with every passing day. There is something so sweet about the tiny green leaves that I see scattered through the forest trees. Watching spring in it's infancy is truly one of my favorite times of the year.

of course it's true.

2010-04-08T15:41:00.004-04:00

Mad Hatter: Have i gone mad?

Alice: I'm afraid so.
You're entirely bonkers.
But I'll tell you a secret.
All the best people are.

Alice in Wonderland 2010

It was indeed, instant love when I read this quote on another friend's blog. I so agree, and yes, consider myself to have gone mad.

What dreams become

2010-04-01T19:41:00.004-04:00

What do dreams become,
once they are reality...
I must say I have had many hopes, many dreams...
just a few, well maybe more than that, have come true lately.
I am sorry, but I can't tell you what they are...for that in my own mind,
may just jinx me!

But I do believe that the fact the they have come to reality, has more to do than just
a mere mind's view of wistfulness.
It is a thought, the work, the picturing, the praying...
that brought just a few of the less trivial ones, the one's I
must pause to thank god for,
my way.

They dance until darkness

2010-03-29T18:47:00.004-04:00

A shadow dances upon the wall,
standing upright and proud,
though in truth, shyly and vaguely...
showing us
a partial glimpse
of what actually is...
until the sun fades
and
darkness falls
and
we can no longer see
the
evidence that it ever
was here at all.

To every season.....

2010-03-24T17:36:00.006-04:00

I love the change of seasons, when the ground is different every day.
The time between winter and spring is one of my favorites.

Nothing looks the same twice.

Even if shadows fall in the same place, the earth underneath is a busy city unto itself.

On That Day

2010-03-18T19:05:00.003-04:00

On that day
so long ago,
in the summer sun,
we held hands from above
and smiled down
at the rest
below,
our dreams
so far ascended.

2010-03-11T19:38:00.002-05:00

So
was it the right turn,
or was it the wrong turn?
I have yet to find out.
The way I pushed myself,
pulled by feelings of heart
drawn by feelings of self.
Sometime when you think your soul is
settled,
it stands up and decides to walk about,
unsure and wandering
looking to a lost consciousness for answers.
until a hand from somewhere unknown
reaches to
grasp it's waywardness
and plant your feet
firmly
back
on
the ground.

a moment

2010-03-03T19:52:00.004-05:00

A moment of quiet,
a moment of peace
when my mind makes no noise,
everything inside stands,
so very still..
so I can hear
so I can feel
and know
that you are there,
to hold my soul
when it cries
to walk away slowly
when it sleeps.
should I ever stop taking
a breath
so deep
I pray, my dear lord
my soul
you
will
forever
keep.

Not sure I want to come out today

2010-02-27T06:10:00.005-05:00

It is snowy, it is dark and cold. The sun has not made an appearance in days.
I have been in hibernation mode.
Laying on the couch,
remote in hand..
dog curled up at my side.
Yup...during times like this I find it so much easier to hide.

Best friends

2010-02-26T06:47:00.005-05:00

They could stare into each others souls forever...

I used two textures on this:
one by skeletal mess and the other by una certa.
The cat image is from pareerica.
The window and the little girl are by me.
Pareerica, skeletal mess, and una cierta can all be found on flickr. They are all talented artists who share their art with the world.

And the winner is....

2010-02-22T18:00:00.005-05:00

Oh my friends, I have been late, very late..to a way gone by date!
I delayed choosing the winner of my OWOH contest for a couple of reasons. The one that sounds the best is that I wanted to build the excitement..so I will go with that!
In order to choose the lucky number,
I called upon my magic numerator generator. His name is "Casey" and he is also known as my youngest son. This most handsome numerator generator randomly chose the number "8" as the winner!! Number "8" happens to also have a blog which you can find here.
Congrats Robbin!
Thank you to everyone who stopped by to say hi, and to enter my 2010 OWOH giveaway!

True Strength

2010-02-21T08:57:00.002-05:00

This is a mixed media collage. It is on a 5 x 7 piece of canvas board.
I used an photograph of mine, pages from an old latin dictionary, lace and scented drawer liners that my mom bought me a few years ago.
I loved this quote and decided to incorporate it into the piece.
It has been a very quiet weekend around here. Hubby is at "man camp" up in Speculator.
The most noise I have heard is the dogs barking! So I had a lot of time to do a little painting!
Hope all is well with my readers out there!
oh..and I do plan on listing this in my shop..distressing delilah's!

Then I felt pain.

2010-02-18T19:56:00.004-05:00

When all the words were said
and
silence was all I heard,
then
I felt pain.
It is an empty,
lonely pain.
No one joins me
in keeping it company
The pain and I,
we dwell alone.

Hold those close to you, close...and then,
hold them
even closer.

Be Mine

2010-02-14T17:35:00.002-05:00

Be mine...to my true Valentine..

Always Come Back

2010-02-09T18:27:00.006-05:00

Always come back,
promise me you will.
Whether it is in the softness of a newborn rose,
or a touch of light dancing in the dawn,
always come back.
No matter if you just sigh a warm breeze,
and ease if slowly over my cheek,
or touch my heart,
while I sleep,
always come back.
I want to hear you sing when the world is silent
I want to feel your,
presence
fluttering
across the base of my neck.
When the world can no longer hold my sorrow
promise me,
to always come
back.

For my OWOH post click..here.

A remarkable assemblence

2010-02-03T19:49:00.006-05:00

It could be seen from the edge of the road,
an opening in the brush,
a natural doorway to a nether world.
Where faeries dance and angels sing.

Worry not, my friends, if you are in search of my owoh post...click here!

Tell Me Your Dreams

2010-01-31T16:03:00.006-05:00

(you are not lost my friends, if you are seeking my OWOH post! Click HERE!)

Two little children one morning, after their breakfast was o'er
were laughing and playing together.,
alone on the dining room floor;
the girl of a dream had been talking,

but refused with a toss of her head
to tell it all to her playmate,
until he coaxingly said..
Your had a dream,
I had one too,...
I know mine's best 'cause it was of you....
Come sweetheart tell me,
now is the time...
You tell me your dream,
I'll tee you mine.

Seymour Rice and Albert H.Brown (1930's)

One of my goals lately has been to create more "hands on" art.
It has been quite a while since I have done this, instead I have
chosen to drool longingly over collages in Somerset Studios publications.
Instead of continuously gazing, I decided to find some inspiration from what I saw.
Sure it is fun to look at everyone's work, and I do truly find them inspiring,
but that also sometimes leaves me in a rut..of doing nothing but browsing pages and internet sites. True, true..it is very addicting, but time to put my own dreams down on paper, canvas...matte board or what have you, once again!

Come along on a great voyage with me and the girls!

2010-01-28T19:05:00.003-05:00

A midwinter get away, that is what I could use about now! To leave this dreary existence and head out to places unknown!
I have decided to do this by joining the 2010 One Work One Heart giveaway, taking place all over the world! So it may seem a little cheap of me to travel that way, but it will be a nice little departure from the ordinary! To read more about OWOH be sure to click on the OWOH emblem in my side column.
Being that it is a giveaway, the theme being something to the effect of a magic carpet ride, I have decided to offer my Bon Voyage print, shown above. The winner will be randomly drawn on February 15th...by a random numerator generator! All you have to do is leave a comment right here, right now!!!
So come join the rest of the blogging participants and take a magic carpet ride around the world!

Hold on to the edge

2010-01-27T19:23:00.006-05:00

Hold onto the edge of a wing,
you should not just hover
just slightly
beneath your dreams.
Swoop full force, with a graceful vengence,
into what only your mind's eye has been able to see.
There and there alone they will stay,
unless you nurture them,
giving up a bit of
the
air from your
soul.

Thank you to DJ Pettitt..for my set of wings..!

Mission of Hope

2010-01-23T13:56:00.003-05:00

Within the next day I will be listing this print in my etsy shop. I will sell it as an aceo, which is a small piece of art that measures 2.5" x 3.5". It will be a limited edition of 100 prints. Each print will be numbered, signed and dated. After 100 of these are sold, I will list a second limited Mission of Hope edition. All proceeds from the sale of each aceo will go to The Mission of Hope in Haiti.

Please join me in lending a hand to a most unfortunate time for what was already a suffering population.

Love notes

2010-01-22T09:02:00.006-05:00

For Damen

I waited,
in the damp,
summer evening air.
The crackle and crunch of the hayfield floor,
under my laced up black boots.
A flock of blackbirds converse behind my back.
My baited breath I hold,
as I strain to hear your footfall.
Our special spot in this world,
our hallowed ground,
is empty without it's other
half.
I lay down on my a bed of earth,
and shut my eyes for just a moment.
Knowing when I opened them,
there you would stand before me.
But, then, I knew not the truth.
There,
my love,
you never again planned to be.

The Prelude

2010-01-15T14:03:00.011-05:00

Come dance with me

and float along,

as we enter

the prelude to my nightmare.

Alone I could be,

but it would be so much better

if you would just

shut your eyes,

and

we shall dream together.

Step across

the threshold

to a moment

before,

when the world is just right

and you,

I still

adore.

Sit silently there with me,

before a breeze rushes in'

sighing in my ear,

that I

should

love you

no more.